Years ago, Dan, Dave, my brother Chris, and I went for a surf in San Diego at Blacks Beach. Blacks was mostly known for its smooth but aggressive waves. It was also a known nude beach. You had to navigate through a lot nudity to get to the water. It wasn’t as cool as you think. Mostly older fat guys and a lot of jewelry where it shouldn’t be. My brother was the first one out of the water, and was waiting for the rest of us at the shoreline. By the time we got out, he was wrapping up a conversation with two gorgeous completely naked girls who seemed to be giggling at everything he said. Turns out they were strippers touring in San Diego for a few nights and looking for a place to eat. My brother recommended a burrito place, and joined us walking back to the car.
“Dude, they were totally hitting on you,” said Dan.
“Nah, they were just looking for a good place to eat,” said my innocent brother. Dave, Dan and I looked at each other in shock. How could he not see this? Completely naked girls giggling at everything he said… could he be that naive? He wasn’t, he just didn’t see it.
Around the same time, my friend Dan’s girlfriend pulled my brother aside and told him she had a number of friends who were wanting to know his relationship status and really wanted to take him out. He couldn’t believe it. No, he didn’t believe it. He thought she was just being nice.
When Chris would come down to visit, all my friends would come over. They loved to hang out with him. He was one of those guys you liked to talk to, he gave good advise and always seemed to do the right thing; but he wasn’t above it. He had his problems too and would share, asking for advice and different points of view. Everyone liked having him around. But he never saw it. He never saw himself as that guy. The guy everyone liked, the guy naked girls hit on. He never saw his potential. He struggled with self image, and some depression. He was one of the best guys I knew and he didn’t even know it. I tried to tell him all the time, but he would dismiss it, thinking I was just being nice.
My brother died at 33 years old, never knowing how great he was, or the impact he made on people. Such a tragedy.
Since that time I have met a lot of great people. More than most. I come across so many that I see as special. Unique people with something about their personality that makes them great. You just know it, but for whatever reason they don’t. They pass themselves off as ordinary, but that’s not true.
No one is perfect, we all have blemishes, but they focus on those too much and don’t see the best of themselves. The worst is when someone allows a mistake to define them. Simply put, you commit an error and allow that error to dictate who you are. You may have years of brilliance, but one error changes it all. I’ve seen it in different parts of my life, personal and professional. I can’t tell you how many probationers allow their mistake to label them as a crook for life and let it keep them down forever. Friends have done it too. They dismiss the positives in their lives because they have a few negatives. Doesn’t seem right.
Because I was so close to the struggle of my brother never seeing his potential, and dying so abruptly, I try my best to let those special people in my life know how great they are before it’s too late. Don’t be one of those people who doesn’t see it. Open your eyes and see your worth. Listen to your friends and family who love you. Be that guy/girl. If not, I’ll be pulling you aside soon to tell you how great you are. With 100% sincerity.
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