The Halloween Wolf

Working with sex offenders gets tricky.  It’s really hard to learn about some of the things these probationers have done, breaks down your faith in humanity.  One of the very few upsides is you really don’t have to feel badly for them.  They have done terrible things, and if you catch them doing something again, you feel like a hero, guilt free. Officers have to work a lot of holidays and often need help around that time.  

Every Halloween we have to check on some probationers to make sure they aren’t giving out candy to children.  We break out in teams and check from a distance, if the probationer is in any way involved in the festivities, they are arrested.  Zero tolerance.  It’s fun.

I was assigned with Derick, a seasoned officer who told a good story, so driving around with him helped pass the time.  One of the last checks was a probationer who was known to be a runner and a fighter.  He was looking at a lot of prison time so he would do anything to avoid going back.  We thought for sure he’d be handing out candy.  We got to his house; all the lights were out, and no one out front, just like it was supposed to be.  It was still early so we decided to check on him at mom’s house.  

We pulled close to the house and noticed a group of costumed critters on the deck.  A Yoda, a Captain America, and a Princess picking out candy from a bowl served by an adult disguised as a wolf in a dress.  He had a rubber mask over his head, completely hiding his identity.  He looked like the wolf that ate grandma before little red riding hood showed up… How appropriate.  

“That’s our mutha fucka, I know it,” said Derick doing his best Samuel L Jackson impression. 

We got out of the car cautiously.  We were dressed in plain clothes, and removed our badges out from under our shirts.  Derrick went around the back of the house in case our guy decided to run.  As I approached, he saw me, threw the bowl, turned and ran around the side of the house, toward the back.  Maybe it was the caffeine from the giant cup of coffee I had before the night started, but I was ready.  I took off after him at a clip, but after two steps, I tripped on a crack in the pavement and went flying.  I put my hands out to break the fall, but it didn’t help, I came down hard on my elbows and carved a abrasion right at the corner, ripping my long sleeved t shirt.  I got up even more determined, and ran around the side of the house at top speed to make up for lost time. I rounded the corner, and the Halloween wolf was running right at me.  As it turned out, Derick was waiting for him so he did a u turn back toward me.  

I’ve always been a skinny kid.  I didn’t do well in football because I was too small.  I played a little ice hockey so I learned how to check if I had to.  When I became an adult I filled out a bit, but never got used to the extra size.  When I saw our wolf, I lowered my shoulder and laid into him with all my weight, hitting him right in the center of his chest.  I felt his lungs collapse, and somehow through the scuffle, I heard his wheeze, pushing all the air out of his body.  I hit him so hard, I felt his sternum connect with his spine.

Maybe it was the costume, but I thought he’d weigh a little more, or be bigger. I was shocked how easily I went through him, like he was made of paper.  Upon impact, his head snapped froward, tossing the mask into the air.  We landed after what felt like 5 minutes.  Because my hands were tied up in the tackle, my forehead crashed down on the ground unguarded, causing another bleeding abrasion, mixed with dirt for effect.  Without hesitation, I put him in cuffs, and rolled him over to see his face for the first time.  

“Is this our guy??!” I said in between gasps for breath.  

I just then realized I might have blasted my shoulder through old Uncle Joe.  I only went after him because he ran. I didn’t ask for identity or even yell for him to stop.  I thought about how cold jail is and what it might look like from the inside.  

“Yeah that’s him,” said Derick as he reached in his pocket and unfolded a picture of our guy.  I think I broke the world record for sighs of relief.  

As we walked our wolf back to the car, all the kids gazed up at us with wonder; my head and elbow flowing with blood, escorting a grandma wolf back to the car. We looked like the ultimate lawn decoration coming to life.  

As we booked him into jail and led him into the tank with all the other criminals, I was marked by the irony.  Sex offenders do not do well in jail.  They are the prey.  Funny that he was going in dressed as a wolf… in a dress.