Saturdays

For me there is before kids, during kids and after kids. When you are in the during kids phase it’s a bit like the NCAA basketball tournament slogan, survive and advance. Get to the next day, the next game with the least amount of injuries possible.

I was sitting last night talking to my wife about it a little bit. I was telling her about how years ago I made this silly commitment to myself that I would stop playing video games until my youngest daughter was done with high school. I never told anyone really, I just didn’t want to get into the habit of putting a video game over a conversation with the kids. I didn’t do this when the kids were little, they were probably 8 and 10 at the time, but for whatever reason I just stopped making those games a thing in my life. A bit like my Dad kind of just stopping drinking. It just got in his way a little. It wasn’t because he was an alcoholic, which I had thought for way too many years, for which if you know me I’m sure you have shared a laugh at my expense at how dumb I was to have thought that. A silly promise to myself to stay a bit more present. Has it been the reason I have a good relationship with my girls, no, but it was one step in the right direction for me.

Anyway, my youngest is about to graduate so I was telling my wife I probably will buy whatever the newest system is and start to play a little. She certainly won’t care if I disappear for a bit playing a game, actually she probably wouldn’t care if I actually disappeared for real I think! Her day is completely filled during the week. She’s completely jammed with work and teaching and taking workout classes. Man, she is dedicated to whatever she is doing. Forever not actually taking a day off. I envy her work ethic. I always have.

But, we are now finding ourselves free on Friday nights and lots of Sundays. We are in that “after kids” phase. Sometimes looking for things to do, sometimes just saying it’s couch day and spending hours and hours and hours watching tv and waiting for whatever crockpot recipe to finish so we can eat dinner. It’s a complete reset, a time to turn off the brains and just be next to each other. We don’t need words to fill the space. We just want to be with each other. It’s been really nice to have this time. With our oldest at college and our youngest at work or cheer or out with friends we are adjusting pretty nicely to this new phase of life I think.

I’m weirdly now not just Dad. Sure, I love being Dad. It’s my favorite I’ve ever been. But, I get to be Mark lots of the time now. I get to pick and choose getting to be Mark, or Uncle Mark, or Fairy Godfather. Yes, that is right, my God daughter, who I call Buttface Stinky Cheese Head calls me her Fairy Godfather. I think when my sister picked me as her daughters’ god parent, she knew I wasn’t going to be her religious Sheppard in this life and I would be exactly what I am to her. We have a GREAT relationship; one I am super proud of. She makes fun of me ruthlessly and I absolutely love it. Exactly how I was with my god father growing up. Silly and fun and making sure that whatever is happening in life he was there with a joke to take the edge off a bit. I still look back growing up and he was a constant in my world. The coolest of the cool. A perfect man to have not teaching me anything about my religious beliefs.

On Saturdays specifically I get to play a few different roles. In the morning I get to be Mark and just take a workout class with this community of people I really enjoy being around. We push each other, we root for each other and we do this inside and outside the gym. Then I get to be Uncle Marky for a bit and go watch my niece play soccer. I get to watch her and fight my nephew on the sidelines with my brother. It’s just a quick hour, right a small little activity, but you know me, it’s always those little things that mean the world to me. I started going to show her support. Doing a new thing, like playing soccer takes a little bit of courage so if I’m standing on the sideline and she sees my face and smiles even for a second maybe doing this new thing isn’t difficult at all. I quickly learned though that watching her play was something that really made me smile. Something about seeing my brother coach his little girl reminded me of my girls growing up. Bringing me back to a time when he was on the sidelines of the games and the recitals and all the events in my girls lives really brings these moments full circle for me. When you’re in the battle, surviving from one event or game to the next, you forget who was right behind you making sure his face was there just to calm any nerves your kids maybe faced.

In the afternoon I then would get to watch my god daughter learn to skate. My Dad signed her up and volunteered to be an instructor to help her skate. And, if you know my Dad, to get a little ice time. My Dad is a hockey player. He loves the ice. Everything about it, the sounds, the smells, the temperature. So, getting to see him on the ice with his granddaughter is really a bit like watching Ray and his Dad “have a catch” in Field of Dreams. And I just stand at the boards seeing my Dad doing something I know makes him smile. Being in a hockey rink seeing my Dad on the ice is a bit therapeutic for me. It brings me back to all those nights I watched him play.

By 1 pm on Saturday my heart is completely refilled. I’ve gotten to see all these important people in my life. Gotten to show up for them, which actually really is just showing up for me. As we part I always hear from my sister in law or my Dad “Thank Uncle Marky for coming to your game”.

Um, sorry, no need for that…. The grinch’s heart grew three sizes bigger those days…

The luckiest guy in any room I enter