Turtles and Tasers

Every city has a subdivision that is in the worst part of town, for a while I was assigned to work with that office. It was down by the docks, loaded with grizzled officers who seemed like they had seen everything. Almost every time I worked with them something wild was going on, never a dull moment.  

The first shift I worked we spent the morning hunting down pygmy tortoises. Yeah, pygmy tortoises. Ten were stolen from a breeder, at the time six had been found. I guess they were very expensive and we were following up on every lead. Most of the suspected thieves were on probation or parole, so we could search without a warrant. We found two and then two more.  Not a normal start to the day hauling out tiny turtles found hidden in a terrarium under a bed. They bite a lot and pee everywhere.  

After wrangling up our last tortoise, we went to a world class Mexican restaurant for an early lunch. Funny how some of the best food is found in the worst places. The eatery was in a plaza, right next to a grocery store. About halfway through my burrito, we heard a scream from the parking lot. I’d like to tell you I sprang into action like toast out of a toaster, but I was more like toothpaste out of a tube. I was tired from all the tortoise hunting, and my fingers were swollen from the biting. Also, I do believe I was eating the best burrito in the world. The rest of the team went flying out the door, you could tell this was not the first time they had an emergency in the middle of lunch. I dragged behind, looking like I was wearing concrete shoes, the pain of the inconvenience was written all over my face.  “Oh, why is this happening now? I’m hungry.” Not said but heard. In a very whiny voice.  

When outside, I was informed someone robbed a grocery store customer on her way to her car. He was thought to have a gun, but the victim wasn’t sure. It was a very busy parking lot, middle of a Saturday. No one really knew where the suspect went, but most pointed to the grocery store. The team split up, some canvassing the parking lot and some heading into the grocery. I was one of the last into the store. When I caught up, a few officers were already walking the isles looking for a can of spaghetti-O’s…and a guy with a gun. The store manager got my attention and motioned toward the bathrooms. I partnered up and hit the female bathroom first.  

We scanned the sixty year old pink accented bathroom, three stalls, no feet underneath. One of us armed with the taser, another with a gun. Should the guy pop out with any weapon we needed to be ready. I had the taser. We kicked all three stall doors open, one at a time. No one was there. We moved on.

The men’s bathroom looked the same, but only two stalls, and a urinal with blue accents.  The urinal was there, but I’m not sure anyone used it, there were puddles all over the floor. Both stall doors were closed, with no feet underneath. This time I had the gun, the partner had the taser. The weight of the gun always got to me.  Not the actual pounds, but the weight of the responsibility. It was now my job to decide if this suspect was dangerous, if he intended to kill us, and if we had any other defense options. I had to decide this in a fraction of a second. The wrong choice could cost me my career, my freedom, or my life. Not to mention the officer with me I knew for only the past four hours; his life was in my hands…I didn’t remember his name but it think he got the carne asada burrito. The weight of the gun got heavier. It’s easy to judge when you’re not doing it. 

We kicked in the first stall door, there was our guy.  He was squatting on the toilet, feet on the seat. He had his hands up and he looked scared and stressed. I was relieved, no gun in sight, but I kept mine out just in case. The guy was not responding to our commands, and he seemed to be getting more agitated. The unmistakable screech of the taser charging echoed off the walls.  

“Keep your hands up and walk toward me, slowly!” Demanded Officer Carne Asada. 

The suspect didn’t listen, I’d guess he was under the influence of something. Without warning he let out a scream and charged us. I have no idea why. The barbs of the taser touched both high and low on the suspect and his body instantly froze. He assumed the pencil position and came crashing down. The momentum sent his stiff body sliding toward us, settling at our feet… right in the middle of a puddle. We quickly put handcuffs on him and escorted his now limp, urine drenched body out of the grocery and into a caged car for a trip to jail.  

As we walked him to the car, I couldn’t help but remember the turtle hunt a few hours before, what a day it was already and it was only noon. I was ready to go home, my quota was filled.  Unfortunately for me, we still needed to finish the 10 hour shift. Thankfully, we were allowed to eat our lunch before continuing; I made sure I washed my hands thoroughly. That burrito never tasted so good.