My youngest, Kiley, has this new thing where she wants to be able to jump and touch the ceiling in my kitchen.  She started this a couple of months ago but was sort of lightly jumping.  She would walk into the kitchen, make herself some toast and while it was heating she would just try to reach.  Recently, she has been really trying, stretching all the way out and asking my advice on how to reach it since I have been able to do it FOREVER.  She is getting super close.  And you know what, I don’t want her to.

I struggle so much with wanting her to know everything and at the same time having her NEED me for everything. 

I watched a Facebook memory video from 10 years ago where my girls were singing together and 38 year old me LOVED it…. 28 year old me though, I’m not sure what he was thinking.  When you are right in the middle of the madness I wonder if it is hard to appreciate.  I know that I look back on that time and wish 38 year old me was there.  He would have known what to do, he would have known what to say, he would have soaked up every second of it.

It’s sort of funny, back when my wife was working on the weekends and it was just me and my two girls I would count down the seconds until she would be home so I could take a break.  Now, I find myself home completely alone because one kid is at the movies, another is out being a high schooler and I am counting down the seconds until they get home so I’ll have someone to talk to about the day. 

Because of the way my schedule is with work now the youngest and I have an hour everyday where it is just us in the house.  She is getting ready for school while I do some work, and in the blink of an eye the hour is up and I have to drive her to school.  On the way to the door I run through my checklist with her trying to steal another couple of seconds before we are off.  “Did you brush your teeth?  Pack your lunch?  Tie your shoes?”   She quickly moves passed me and walks out to the car, not needing to actually answer me because we both know the answer of “Yes” is not needed.  

I drive back home to log off my computer, and get ready to head into work.  I sit and talk to the dog for a couple minutes asking him if he needs anything before I go.  He says NOTHING and waits for me to leave before heading to his favorite spot on my oldest daughters bed to stare out the window and enjoy the quiet for a few hours.  When we walk in the door at night the dog can’t help but jump all over us, grabbing a bone to play with and following us around the house.  

In the beginning of my life with kids I was the morning dog, waiting to be alone or free.  And as they get older I’m sort of becoming the dog that pees on the rug so they will spend more time with me.  

I want my kids to jump and hit their heads on the moon, just not yet!