The Fast & Furious…

I can’t believe I made it here.  As I type this it’s the night before my daughter takes her driver’s license test.  You won’t see this story until after she passes, because I am not a complete moron, but I wouldn’t be true to myself if I didn’t spill my feelings out on to the page.  

Whatever happens tomorrow, one thing I always know, is that she is ready.  My wife did a great job with that kid.  While I try the hardest at being a good parent, my wife, just is.  When this kid grows up and becomes whatever she is, it will all be because of that woman.  Sure, she will smile thinking of me, but she will know what to do, how to act, because of her Mom.   I might fool you because I can spin a story to make me sound like a great Dad, but all the good that comes from our kids, will have come from her.  My guess is most of the moms reading this story know exactly what I mean. 

I can tell you with confidence she will pass her test tomorrow.  I know she has the skills, she’s actually a really good driver, but that’s not how I know.  It’s because of what I saw last night.  She got home late in the evening from her dance class and barely made it in the house before crying to her Mom.  She was broken… I heard something about her confidence in her dance routine.  That’s how I always know she is ready.  She doubts the hell out of her herself.  She completely melts down, cries with her Mom, then she wakes up the next day and gets right back to work.  Usually I see this the week before a big ballet show or competition.  She beats herself up, but then on show day she smashes it.  She dances with some beautiful dancers, that elevate her in the best ways, but she almost always brings me to tears with the story she tells on that stage.  I know, I know, I cry over anything, but I am not overselling this.  She is breathtaking on that stage.   

So, as dumb as this is, I already know how tomorrow will play out.  I’ve seen this play before.   She works hard, has a breakdown, and then, like clockwork, she crushes whatever she feared, she did the thing that she thought was impossible.  She makes it look effortless, even though I am lucky enough to see that nothing about what she does is effortless.

Days like tomorrow make me so proud to share with my wife.  It’s a big day for my daughter, of course, but selfishly, it’s another milestone for us.  We weren’t supposed to make it here.  High school sweethearts, still putting up with the smell of each other’s farts more than 20 years later just isn’t the norm.   So many times, when we could have given up on each other, we didn’t, we came close, sure, but we didn’t.  I’m damn proud of that.

Well, if you are seeing these words, you know it is because she passed her test.  As I mentioned at the start of this, I am not a moron when it comes to the kids.  If I published this story and she failed, I would be sitting at a faraway table at her wedding someday and not walking her down the aisle.  I’d be a dead man walking.  

She did what I knew she would do, because I already have seen this play before, and she passed her test easily.  It’s not something that a million other kids haven’t done, it’s not special, but at the same time, to every parent, it is VERY SPECIAL.  She was home for 3 minutes to show me the piece of paper, tell me the story and make sure I called the insurance company and then her and her sister were gone.  I haven’t seen them in hours.  

Days like today are my rewards.  I can’t express how I felt, how I knew she would pass just from a few tears a few nights ago, but those are moments that still surprise me.  She was crying her eyes out completely overwhelmed with stress and I was smiling because I knew this was part of her process.  I knew what part of her movie I was watching. And I already knew the ending and that I probably would be the one crying at the end of it.

Being a Dad to my girls has been and always will be the best thing I’ll ever get to do.  

I love the story my life is telling, I think it would be a story I would like to read over and over again, but for now I’m enjoying the hell out of writing it….

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